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Post by middleearthmouse on Nov 23, 2004 7:08:58 GMT -5
Share your jokes and comic strips and anything else funny. ONE RULE TO FOLLOW: no dirty jokes except one that someone should know (It's really dirty)
Example: Hobbs: I had a dream last night, I was fighting this giant weasel. Whaddya think it meas? Calvin:(Calvin comes up with two black eyes and other injuries.) It means you'll be sleeping on the floor tonight!
((Edit: spelling, grammer, punctuation, etc.))
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Post by Alameth of the Iron Fist on Nov 24, 2004 15:31:49 GMT -5
Oh, good heavens. I don't remember the "dirty" one. (It has to do with a lot of dirt, though. Yeah, that one can be told.) Here's a Foxtrot:
Jason: Mom, I need you to sign this for me. Mrs. Fox: It says here you were supposed to do 100 sit-ups. You did that many? Jason: I did four. Mrs. Fox: Four is not a hundred, Jason. Jason: Let me introduce you to binary, Mom.
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Post by middleearthmouse on Nov 30, 2004 19:28:32 GMT -5
Fox Trot:
Jason: "Square root of 16!" Mr. Fox: "Just yell fore, son."
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Post by middleearthmouse on Dec 14, 2004 6:42:23 GMT -5
Dilbert!:
Dogburt:It's almost as if I could lift this pebble with pure mind power.Mmmmm... Mmmmm... It's not working. (we now see the full scene. Dilbert just got hit in the head with a flying chair.)
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Post by steel_lily on Dec 14, 2004 7:00:41 GMT -5
A man was at a dinner party when he spotted two weevils(maggots) on the table. He nudged his friend and said "If you had to choose, which weevil is better?" The other man thought about it, and finally said "That one. The larger." His friend shouted "WRONG!" The man looked confused, so he explained "You fool, don't you know? You always choose the lesser of two weevils!"
For those of you who missed it, think "two evils" and say it quickly.
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Post by middleearthmouse on Dec 14, 2004 7:39:11 GMT -5
I believe that I will go back to Dilbert:
Troll: ...<I forget what he said there, it's something about training the new guy> Dilbert: Why do you have your shirt on backwards? New Guy: Not again. I'll turn around really fast and try to get it on the right way. Wooh! Hay, were's Dilbert? I must have flung myself into another dimension! D: Tell me his pay is lower than mine. T:<thinking>I love this part!
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Post by steel_lily on Dec 14, 2004 10:54:30 GMT -5
How many ADD kids does it take to change a light-bulb?
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Post by middleearthmouse on Dec 15, 2004 7:04:13 GMT -5
how many?
Quote:"The key to liking your job is to have a hobby that's even worse."
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Post by steel_lily on Dec 15, 2004 15:17:38 GMT -5
Want to ride bikes?
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Mr. M. Mister
Roguish Renegade
BEHOLD! I have the Skywalker complex!
Posts: 98
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Post by Mr. M. Mister on Dec 16, 2004 7:01:59 GMT -5
If that is continuing your joke(--^ {24} ) then 1)Yes if not then 2)NO!!! ARE YOU CRAZY!!!!!! IT'S FREEZING OUT THERE!!!!!!!! ( 24 note on text: Like the way the eyes help you find what I'm talking about?
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Post by middleearthmouse on Dec 16, 2004 7:34:46 GMT -5
Same here.it's 25 out there!
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Post by steel_lily on Dec 16, 2004 7:48:04 GMT -5
It is part of the joke, but you missed it completely.
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Post by Alameth of the Iron Fist on Dec 16, 2004 19:05:40 GMT -5
Well.... I, too, misunderstood that, though for a different reason. M.E. Mouse's quote about having a hobby worse than your job was in reference to biking.... Yeah. Get the idea?
Anywhen.... If we're not supposed to eat anmials, why are they made of meat?
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Post by steel_lily on Dec 17, 2004 12:48:53 GMT -5
I have no idea.....why?
A blonde walks into an electronics store, looks around and says "Mr. Store Clerk, I'd like to buy that TV, please." He says "I'm sorry, but we don't serve blondes here." So she goes out and dyes her hair brown, walks into the store and again requests the TV. Again the clerk replies "I'm sorry, but we don't serve blondes here" So...the blonde goes out and dies her hair bright purple. She walks back into the store and asks to buy the TV. The store clerk, beginning to be amused at this point replies "I told you before, we don't serve blondes here." The blonde asks in exasperation "How did you know I am a blonde?" The clerk chuckles and says, "Well, first off, that's a microwave that you were wanting to buy..."
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Post by Alameth of the Iron Fist on Dec 17, 2004 20:41:30 GMT -5
Lass, that was a one-liner. <shakes head in disbelief> Do you not know? Can you not see?
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Post by steel_lily on Dec 17, 2004 20:45:11 GMT -5
Yes, I got it, but knowing you there's more to it...Perhaps not
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Post by Alameth of the Iron Fist on Dec 21, 2004 12:33:18 GMT -5
Nope.
A blonde goes to a job interview. The interveiwer asks her, "How old are you, miss?" The blonde starts counting under her breath: "One, two three, four, five, six...TWENTY TWO!" The interveiwer then asks, "And what's your name?" The blonde starts singing under her breath, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...MANDY!"
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Post by middleearthmouse on Dec 29, 2004 18:19:13 GMT -5
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Post by steel_lily on Jan 14, 2005 15:55:50 GMT -5
Ok, so two blondes walk into a bar.....the third one ducked!
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Post by Alameth of the Iron Fist on Jan 14, 2005 20:13:37 GMT -5
An F, a A flat, and a C walk into a bar, and they go to order a drink. Yet the bartender refuses to serve them. When they ask why, he tells them: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors here."
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Post by steel_lily on Jan 15, 2005 20:43:20 GMT -5
Two peanuts were walking down the road and one was assaulted.
(If you don't get it, say it out loud)
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Post by Alameth of the Iron Fist on Jan 23, 2005 19:20:21 GMT -5
Yes, lass, I got it. I must insert a Shel Silverstein poem!! Suspense Oh Murdering Jack Tied Louise to the track In a plan that was grisly and gory, While back in the shack Was her Marvelous Mack Held prisoner there by the Outlaw Suntory. Then the wolf pack attacked And then down from the stack With six-guns ablaze jumped young Billy McClory. A CRASH! And a CRY! And I'm sorry but I Have fotgotten the rest of the story.[/center]
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Post by steel_lily on Jan 25, 2005 9:20:09 GMT -5
If it isn't Boroque, don't fix it!
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Post by middleearthmouse on Jan 28, 2005 9:47:00 GMT -5
another Shel one: The Dragon of Grindaly Grund I'm the Dragon of Grindaly Grund, And my lunches aren't very much fun, See, I like my damsals medium-rare, But they always come out well done.
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Post by Alameth of the Iron Fist on Jan 28, 2005 18:59:58 GMT -5
That's only a (very poorly spelled and not quite correcet) small part of the poem. The last stanza, actually.
"I'm the Dragon of Grindley Grunn And my lunches aren't very much fun. For I like my damsels medium rare, And they always come out well done!"
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Post by steel_lily on Jan 28, 2005 21:34:59 GMT -5
Rudyard Kipling's Fuzzy-Wuzzy:
That was only the first stanza, though
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Post by Jareth on Mar 2, 2005 14:55:24 GMT -5
Roses are red, violets are blue, most poems rhyme, but this one doesn't. Hey dudes, thought that was funny. ~Blader
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Post by Alameth of the Iron Fist on Mar 17, 2005 21:23:09 GMT -5
Definition: Television: A medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.
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Post by middleearthmouse on Mar 18, 2005 7:36:53 GMT -5
That's only a (very poorly spelled and not quite correcet) small part of the poem. The last stanza, actually. "I'm the Dragon of Grindley Grunn And my lunches aren't very much fun. For I like my damsels medium rare, And they always come out well done!" O ya. sorry.
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Post by steel_lily on Mar 19, 2005 14:02:28 GMT -5
How do you turn a cat into a dog?
Soak it in lighter fluid, toss it into a fire, and it goes "whhoof"!
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