Post by Kirke on Jul 7, 2006 19:51:50 GMT -5
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris always knows the exact location of Carmen SanDiego.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Some kids play "kick the can". Chuck Norris played "kick the keg".
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as giraffes.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee, Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of Visine.
Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris."
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents.
Chuck Norris invented the question mark.
Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris always knows the exact location of Carmen SanDiego.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Some kids play "kick the can". Chuck Norris played "kick the keg".
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as giraffes.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee, Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of Visine.
Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris."
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents.
Chuck Norris invented the question mark.
Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.
